So the story of the title… I have always been interested in philosophy and I have always been committed to my ideals. I don’t remember where I heard it but “One who is under 40 and not an idealist has no heart and one that is over 40 and is still an idealist has no brain.” So I have a lot of heart but I am having a difficult period of transition to the cerebral, I confess.

Some short jumps through my ideological development may shed some light for interested psycho-analysts. I started my reading from my Dad’s bookshelf. Carlos Castaneda.  Herman Hesse. JD Salinger. Being that we moved from the city to the country – and we didn’t take the television with us – my reading actually became quite prolific (is that word used correctly?). Carlos awakened me to an alternative world. Always to look for the symbolism and hidden meaning in the day-to-day. Herman gave me great physical strength when looking at an existentialist world. JD had probably the biggest impact on me as far as getting me to where I am today. I can actually find the page of  “A Catcher in the Rye” that sent me out into the unknown with my girlfriend at an early age. And somewhere in the Appalachian mountains, I found the motivation to get a university education and a psychedelic experience (these are intense stories which I will probably get around to posting). But somewhere along the way, I really was against the depressing conclusions of the philosophies that I was connecting to and despite my curiosity, took pause in my philosophical inquiry.

It was only 3 days after completing the vows that I made to myself on that intense day in the woods that I found myself in the old city of Jerusalem and being introduced to a philosophy with an optimistic view on the world. One that grasped my attention so strongly, that until this day occupies a large part of my waking hours in inquiry. And know that I have passed 40 and I feel the pull of reality tugging to help my children and stabilize the mess that I have made of my life, I have decided to redact and organize and try and find a realistic way to continue.

So there is chaos. But I am optimistic 😉

So that is a rough explanation of the title.